AFTER THE CLEANSE
There is an album of piano music by the composer Eric Satie called, After the Rain. It is a soulful, reflective album. However, throughout the album there is a sense of loss and regret for letting go of the past. It is as if the pianist never really wanted the rain to end.
I feel a tinge of regret for having to let go of what was not working for me: all of my addictions – both physical (caffeine, chocolate, wine) and emotional (anger, jealousy, disappointment). In fact, the idea of not having any “thing” to blame my problems on is quite frankly, terrifying. Our lives, our happiness, our choices are ours. That is what is reassuring about having “things” to blame; they provide a distraction for the reality of choice. Yet, we have a choice in how to react in any situation.
I chose to remove myself from a situation that was not nourishing for my soul. But, the question remains, what is next? Even though I was unhappy where I was, at least I didn’t have the time to analyze why it was that I was unhappy. Now I am revaluating everything. Trying to re-create myself – how tiring!
Isn’t it rather haughty of me to even discuss these “choices” as something that is difficult? As I watched the film, Babies, there were these women raising children in an agrarian society. You thing they were asking, “What should I do with my life?”No, they were living it: nursing babies; making red paint to clean their bodies; preparing food; and spending time with each other.
My Human Design analysis has re-assured me that I am meant do something creative with my life. So, I am putting it out there. I would like to be involved in more creative projects: art, medicine and Cambodia?
So rather than blaming the rain for making us wet, we should blaming ourselves for not enjoying the rain while it is falling.