There is an album of piano music by the composer Eric Satie called, After the Rain. It is a soulful, reflective album. However, throughout the album there is a sense of loss and regret for letting go of the past. It is as if the pianist never really wanted the rain to end.

I feel a tinge of regret for having to let go of what was not working for me: all of my addictions – both physical (caffeine, chocolate, wine) and emotional (anger, jealousy, disappointment). In fact, the idea of not having any “thing” to blame my problems on is quite frankly, terrifying. Our lives, our happiness, our choices are ours. That is what is reassuring about having “things” to blame; they provide a distraction for the reality of choice. Yet, we have a choice in how to react in any situation.

I chose to remove myself from a situation that was not nourishing for my soul. But, the question remains, what is next? Even though I was unhappy where I was, at least I didn’t have the time to analyze why it was that I was unhappy. Now I am revaluating everything. Trying to re-create myself – how tiring!

Isn’t it rather haughty of me to even discuss these “choices” as something that is difficult? As I watched the film, Babies, there were these women raising children in an agrarian society. You thing they were asking, “What should I do with my life?”No, they were living it: nursing babies; making red paint to clean their bodies; preparing food; and spending time with each other.

My Human Design analysis has re-assured me that I am meant do something creative with my life. So, I am putting it out there. I would like to be involved in more creative projects: art, medicine and Cambodia?

So rather than blaming the rain for making us wet, we should blaming ourselves for not enjoying the rain while it is falling.

This was a day of rain. The rain came down the mountain as a cloud of mist. The dragon is coming down the mountain for new year!

We were all inspired to walk up the mountain. We put on our layers and quickly were surprised by the heat of day. The mountain walk was quiet and serene. We pushed our way up to the peak. Really not so bad compared to our first attempts when we initially arrived in Hong Kong.

We asked each other if we thought we were ambitious. Do you work on things, despite how hard it seems at first? Do you keep pushing yourself until you improve? Music, math, Mandarin, etc. Yes, replied my son. Look, he said indicating the raincoat draped over his arm. The raincoat was supposed to be covering his body, not his forearm.

Day Eight

You are ambitious. You were one of our top members. That’s why I enjoy talking to you.

I don’t feel ambitious; at least I don’t feel ambitious about the future. I feel like I am one of those people who want to live in the past. Like Owen Wilson’s character in Woody Allen film, Midnight in Paris.

Nostalgia is denial – denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking – the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one is living in – it’s a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.

I wish that my kids walked to the local school house with their pet dog. They would meet up with other friends on the way. They would eat lunch on the lawn in summer time. On a beautiful spring afternoon, the teacher’s would cancel lessons and have a picnic and a game of soccer instead.

I wish that my kids came home for a hot lunch of thick chicken soup and home-made bread.

I wish that I got my milk from my goats in the yard. And that I sold goat’s milk cheese and goat’s milk soap.

I wish that I made all my children’s’ clothing. And in the summer I would make jam from the wild blackberries growing on the edge of our property. All of our friends would get together and do canning and pickling when the harvest season arrived.

What am I doing living in a city that has no green? I thought I was an urbanite, but this city takes it all to the extreme.

I am burnt out. I have nothing left to give. I need to rebuild. I need to restore my “self”. I know what I want. I want peace and quiet. I want nature. I want to be outside – not on a cement path – on the ground. Do you know that I never touch the ground in Hong Kong? There is no ground. I am ungrounded. I have lost it all. I am having a nervous breakdown.

This was a good day. No headaches. I had lots of energy and clarity. I was almost late for a meeting, but stayed calm and found solutions. One bout of anger with my kid – felt I wasn’t being given sympathy.

I did have a meeting where I felt I was dwelling too much on the past; it seems so inconsequential at this point. It is not the past that has asked me to make changes in my life, it is the present. The “me” that I am now asked for change. There is really only so long a person can remain in a situation where one feels she is not being given respect. Only a self-respecting woman would be able to leave that situation. I have left with a peaceful heart.

What adventures will the future bring? I am waiting and listening.

I did hear some interesting information; I’m thinking that I may soon have a long-term goal. I’m not quite ready to share this goal – it is also interesting for me to hold back information, usually I spill-the-beans in a mili-second.

Day Six

Patience gives the power to practice; practice gives the power that leads to perfection.

…Do I really want perfection anyways?

My patience is gone, literally. This day was filled with angry “impatiences”. I was tired of the repetitive questioning from my child. Fed-up with over-privileged children who do not take advantage of the opportunities available to them, but would prefer to sit on the couch and play Wii. And tired of being the target of analysis from the pseudo-psychologist that lives with me: like get a degree, doc! That would be his Twitter address, “pseudo-doc”. Can you tell I’m fed up?

Went to bed with a headache, but I woke up early Sunday and had a few moments of alone time to journal. Cooked pancakes for the family… (no I did not eat them…)

Winter is a time of waiting – new life begins in the spring. Winter is a time to reflect on what we have achieved and to look forward towards to the new creations we will develop in the next season of our lives.

With the encouragement of my Naturopathic Doctor, I started a Winter Cleanse this past week. I decided to begin on a Full Moon day January 9^th. As the moon wanes, she loses her light, thus this is the ultimate time for our human bodies to let go in the areas our lives that have been taking too much light: emotional and physical addictions – and re-focus.

Over the past three days I have been trying to wait, however, waiting is often quite active for me. Day One I did my cooking for the Winter Cleanse: Quinoa Patties, Madonna’s Soup, rice dish… The first day, the food tasted so “delishious”! It seemed so long since I’d eaten a home-made vegetarian stir-fry. With chewy brown rice and walnuts and seeds! Yum. I love Brazil nuts.

Later, I took a walk on our mountain on Day One! I didn’t remember this. Wow, I was courageous, as this is a good and strenuous walk – fresh air, green and surprisingly, quiet! Who knew, by going later in the day (11am) I would avoid the morning “crowd” of exercisers?

Day Two I saw one of my favourite patients (who am I kidding, I love you all) for my last practice day in my old office. The visit was charged with talk over new ventures and changes and advancing through the excitement of growing old. To prepare my feet for my journey of discovery, I had a lovely foot massage at Gau’s on D’aguilar (15^th floor). And in the evening I attended a meeting of New Day. New Day supports several NGOs in Cambodia, working to improve the lives of women and girls in Cambodia.

Since our family Christmas in Cambodia I have felt an overwhelming need to bring some creative energy to the people. Yet, I want to do this without cultural bias. I want to find a way to encourage Khmer people to share with each other and with the world the beautiful energy of Cambodia. Many of the people I met in Cambodia were very sweet, just like their sweet-pitched voices.

Day Three I was exhausted and dragged myself around in the morning. Headachy and sore, I managed to have a fun afternoon with a class of eight and nine year olds. I watched and provided feedback on the creative film projects of this class of adorable and inquisitive children. Last evening at “Windows on the Workplace” organized by the AWA, I hob-knobbed it with some of the great female minds of Hong Kong. I was well-impressed: a fashion design expert; three MBA graduates; a polish HR expert; a PHd in Art History (Harvard and NYU degrees!); a former secret-agent (I’m not kidding!) and yours humbly truly. I learned I need to be humble and aggressive to succeed in the HK workplace…

Day Four – let’s see… Humility and aggression – sounds like a job for Martial Arts!

I am reading a book, Anita & Me, by Meera Syal http://www.contemporarywriters.com/authors/?p=auth94. In this book the main character’s mother explains that thinking negative thoughts will turn our bodies ugly:

…mama informed me, rather proudly I thought, that Mrs. Lowbridge was not even forty, and the smoking and bad luck had chiselled all those weary draggin lines around her eyes and mouth. “That’s why you must always count your blessings, beti, and never think negative thoughts. If your mind is depressed, your body will soon follow…”

So, why not? Ask for forgiveness. And forgive others. It is worth a try. Our babies and new beings to this earth need to know that they are wanted and welcomed to this earth. How much better is a party when you are invited?? [Well in my case, I'll show up regardless!!]

We can recieve and offer forgiveness by using the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian method of forgiveness. Homeopathy often works in my patients to allow them to let go and move forward. Also, we can use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

This week I visited two health practitioners in Hong Kong who practice these methods of forgiveness treatment. At Holistic Central http://www.holistic-central.com/site/, my voodoo therapist, Angela Cummins http://www.angelacummins.com/about talked me through the hooponopono method from Hawaii. After an extenstive conversation and Neurolinguistic Programming techniques, Angela and I uncovered some deep issues attached to forgiveness. We used the process as described on Zara’s blog http://zarashea.com/2010/03/24/forgiveness-and-the-powerful-hawaiian-practice-of-hooponopono/:

Ready to learn the process? It’s very easy. You simply repeat the following four magical phrases with focused and positive intent. [You can use] the other person’s name as well…

The process goes like this:

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

Often as children we are scolded for being “naughty” – yet we cannot understand the reason for the scolding. In my own memories of being in nursery school, I remember my teacher giving me a time-out and taking away the treats I had brought for my classmates because I was singing. Can you believe?

With Caroline Rhodes at Body Group http://www.thebodygroup.com/ I was able to visit my three-year old self to comfort her and tell her she is not naughty when she sings out loud. [Even when it is in the elevator of the Kailey Tower building.] My higher mind and the higher mind of my nursery school teacher were able to have a conversation. I understood that it was not me, but my teacher’s own lessons from childhood that taught her children should not sing at random opportunities. If you are reading this blog, next time we meet, sing “puzzle-book, puzzle-book” and the benefits of my EFT therapy session with Caroline will be increased multifold!

So take a chance on a new opportunity coming into your life by letting go of old patterns of hatred and regret and guilt. Let go of the past and let new life into your body!

Medicine has moved towards a “focus on the paradigm of curing [the disease] rather than ‘caring’ [for the patient]” (p.112).

In the book, The Estrogen Errors, Why Progesterone is Better for Women’s Health, Dr. Jerrilyn Prior and Susan Baxter present the “truth” behind the research on women’s health. They are taking a courageous risk to speak in opposition to the status quo that is presented by a conventional medical profession. Baxter and Prior have presented a detailed history of the discovery, use and ensuing miss-use of estrogen, the much-heralded elixir of femininity and youth. Dr. Jerilyn Prior is an endocrinologist researcher and lecturer at the Center for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research (CEMCOR) at the University of British Columbia. Susan Baxter is a lecturer and writer in British Columbia. This collaboration combines Dr. Prior’s depth of research and Baxter breadth of knowledge of the health care profession. This is Dr. Prior’s second book on the topic of women’s hormone health, her first book Estrogen Storm was written for the layperson. Prior and Baxter present the research that shows the dangers of using estrogen and the direct benefits of using progesterone for women’s health for perimenopause symptoms; bone-loss; and preventing some cancers. Estrogen Errors is a comprehensive analysis of the research into the “estrogen debacle” presenting solid scientific evidence to support both medical industry professionals considering providing alternate treatment for female patients and for the informed and curious patient.

The evidence supporting progesterone use is often suppressed, due to the great advocacy power of the Medial Industry. Due to the powerful force of the health industry to define reality the estrogen debacle became a “reality”. The medical industry, including medical doctors, pharmaceutical companies, and research and development companies, has the power to: define and create disease from symptoms; develop the diagnostic tools to identify disease; and manufacture the medicines to cure the diseases. Thus the disease itself becomes animated providing opportunities for commerce through the manufacturing of pharmaceutical drugs; development and promotion of diagnostic testing; and advocacy campaigns to further fund research and development. The health industry is involved in disease mongering: creating, locating, and curing disease rather than caring for people. Women’s bodies and women’s health have been fodder for this mongering for years as our bodies have been medicalized and compromised for the benefit of business. 

The health industry has been focused on the use of estrogen for women’s health issues for over 40 years. Despite the history of estrogen errors with DES in the 1940s, estrogen use continued to be supported. In the 1990s the HERS studies found the estrogen had not been preventative for cardiovascular health but in fact resulted in net harm for the female subjects. The health industry continues to advocate for the use of estrogen. Dr. Robert Wilson wrote a book, in 1966, entitled “Feminine Forever”, wherein he explained to women that menopause caused an estrogen deficiency and resulted in “genital atrophy and castration”. These changes to a woman’s body stole away her femininity and her purpose in “modern society” (p.16).  This “purpose” was to act as a housewife and mother (p.17).  Dr. Wilson proposed the miraculous benefits of the use of estrogen for the treatment and cure of menopause. Thus Wilson established menopause as a disease that needed curing. Along with Dr. Wilson’s creation of a disease called menopause, he also promoted the pharmaceutical cure of estrogen for the ailment. The pharmaceutical business benefited for many years from the promotion of estrogen as a cure-all for women’s health. Eventually it was discovered that in the years leading up to the publishing of Feminine Forever, the Wilson’s Trust Foundation had received funds from three pharmaceutical companies who were manufacturers of the medical hormone estrogen. With the discovery of an inexpensive way to manufacture the hormone estrogen the pharmaceutical industry needed a market and Dr. Wilson provided the public advocacy required.  The trend towards estrogen use started by Wilson continued into the next century until 2002, when the results of study showed the problems with estrogen. The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) study began as a study of 160,000 women between the ages of 59 and 79: two controlled placebo studies were studying estrogen use as compared to placebo. However, the study was stopped early, in 2002 due to an increase in the number of cases of breast cancer, blood clots and strokes found in the study participants who were prescribed estrogen. With the increased use of HRT, the rate of breast cancer diagnosis increased by 60-85% (p.154). In studies of infertile women with Anovulatory Androgen Excess (an excess of estrogen), the risks of cancers were 360 times the normal. The results are clear, women are not benefitting from estrogen – it causes harm.

Not only are perimenopausal women being prescribed the wrong treatment protocol, often the diagnosis is incorrect as well. Menopause is define as starting “one year from the last menstrual period”, thus many medical doctors do not have a diagnosis for the time leading up to menopause. As well because the symptoms of perimenopause are “as unique as the woman experiencing it”, including: “insulin resistance, weight gain, and irrational food binges” medical practitioners often overlook the actual cause and treat women for other diseases (p.69). And because the diagnostic markers are so varied (FSH can be up or down and estrogen is often high rather than low) perimenopause has not been given the proper treatment and attention. The high ratio of estrogen to progesterone causes the symptoms, from vasomotor symptoms, such as hot flashes; to mood changes and anxiety; to aches and pains. Even the authors themselves profess that progesterone “reduced those disabling and onerous perimenopausal symptoms, as both authors discovered” (p. 23).  What medical doctors are not realising is women need progesterone during perimenopause.

Another need of women that is overlooked is for women to have the freedom from the continuous probing of our bodies and experimental treatments said to be for “preventative” purposes. Osteoporosis, originally consider a measurement of risk, is an example of a disease that was created, located and treated all at once. Originally used to prevent the build up of calcium on plumbing pipes, biophosphonates were found to prevent calcium removal from bones when ingested by humans. The popularity of osteoporosis as a disease rather than a risk factor also increased with the ability to observe bone mineral density (BMD). The designation of osteoporosis as a disease also provided an opportunity to increase the sale of medical diagnostic machinery. What is disturbing about the diagnosis of osteoporosis is that studies show that doctors disagree with each other 80% of the time when reading the same BMD tests (p.145). Although fractures are considered a huge risk factor for menopausal women, the studies show that it is in fact elderly women over the age of 80 living in nursing homes that are experiencing fractures. Thus the risk of fractures is minimal for women younger than 80. However, in a recent conversation with Dr. Prior she quoted research from CEMCOR that had found “progesterone plus estrogen increase BMD [bone mineral density] 24% more than estrogen alone (in a meta-analysis of RCTs) [Randomized Control Trials. Prior suggests a more valid method to decrease fractures should include regular vision checks, avoiding medication which causes dizziness and creating a safe, barrier-free environment in nursing homes. A second diagnostic test Baxter and Prior suggest that is used merely for the sake of giving function form is the mammogram, or the ability to observe breast tissue. In Estrogen Errors, Prior and Baxter quote 16 year studies that have found equal numbers of deaths occur from cancer whether or not a woman has opted to have mammograms.

The evidence is in, women’s bodies are a testing ground for the disease-mongers of the medical industry through: HRT use for menopause and the ensuing rise in breast cancer cases and deaths; DES use in the 1940s; ignoring and misdiagnosing women’s premenopausal symptoms; and the forcing of women into diagnostic testing (e.g., BMD and mammograms). The needs of women are considered as secondary to the profit-making needs of the health care industry. It is time for a revolution to occur. However, perhaps it is too soon for the people of the world to accept the revolutionary ideas of Dr. Prior and Ms. Baxter as “…medicine continues to be as slow as it ever was in terms of changing its practices, beliefs, and firmly held convictions”(p 168). Most of the world is caught up in the illusion of the health care profession as having the best interests of the patient in mind, when in reality it is a business that wants to continue to grow not only new cures, but also new diseases. I admire and respect Dr. Prior for continuously taking risks to expose the reality of the dangers of estrogen treatment. Dr. Jerilynn Prior and Susan Baxter are harbingers of the truth, trying to expose the estrogen debacle and the reality to those who are willing and ready to listen. Dr. Prior and Baxter have researched independently and have interpreted existing studies on women’s hormones and now they have found a new way to bring good health and happiness to women, through progesterone. This book presents many challenges which require the admittance of error and a losing of face for the medical profession. We cannot cure others when we are creating a false consciousness, with false words, ideas and beliefs. It is only with clarity and an acceptance of the truth that people can begin to move towards health and healing. I recommend the reading of this book for all medical doctors with female clients. The estrogen debacle has gone on too long; it is time to start helping women to help themselves. Throughout their book Prior and Baxter call for women to make informed choices and not to take “evidence – even good evidence – to necessarily mean “truth” (p.174). It is our responsibility as women, physicians and scientists to interpret the results and the studies and to keep the true purpose of healthcare in mind: caring for the patient. In my own dealings as a Naturopathic Doctor with my patients, and with all friends and family I continuously advocate for the use of progesterone. This book is a profession of the facts without anger or resentment; and a call for the profession of truth of the dangers of estrogen, to allow healing for all of us.

In Hong Kong, the only Organic milk is imported from Australia or Canada. So, from an environmentally-sustainable perspective does it make sense for me to be drinking organic milk that is shipped in from so far away? Or should I be purchasing the milk produced right here in Hong Kong? I need to consider the greenhouse gases that are emitted during transportation. Yet, I have discovered that transportation is in fact responsible for only 1/10 of the greenhouse gas emitted during food production. 

Rather than considering the greenhouse gas load, I turn to a concern with the farming practices used on the farms in each country. Paul Roberts, author of The End of Food, writes of the “resilience” factor: how sustainable are the farming practices over the long-term? Roberts explains that the farming land mass required to produce organic food is much greater than other methods of farming. As well, often feed and fertilizer for organic farms needs to be shipped in from overseas, thus adding to the environmental and financial cost of producing organic food. On the other hand a study from the UK states http://www.i-sis.org.uk/OAMCC.php that organic food is much less energy dependent and CO2-contributing.

So then, is Organic food only for the elite few who can afford the price and can afford the land mass required? Roberts professes there is a middle of the road; where food is grown locally, in inner-city warehouses or “vertical farms” http://www.verticalfarm.com/ , using minimal pesticides (this would a system closed to unwanted pests) and using appropriate amounts of fertilizer.

My dream is for a happy food source, happy: farmers, produce, workers, transporters and happy cows who love the food they are producing. As in the book, Water for Chocolate, http://blog.freshlevant.com/2010/06/intentional-cooking-with-love.html the mood and intention of the chef (and farmer?) dictates the effect of the food on the consumers body. Back in the 90s I worked with Happy Planet Juice company (I supplied them with web hosting and email addresses) – that’s what I am talking about, happy food http://www.happyplanet.com/. So if anyone knows of some happy cows in the Hong Kong area, please, let me know. Cause happy cows make me happy and make more milk! http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/01/29/2009-01-29_happy_cows_produce_more_milk_study_finds.html

As a part of the detox programme that I prescribe to clients, I recommend turning off the media: electronic, written, watched. Now I am realizing how important it is to include detaching from ”E-Time” (electronic time) as well. The lure of the Facebook update, the continuous emails, and ding-ing SMS messages is merely a distraction from the life that we should be living: the life that is right in front of us. Our family spent two days at Kopel Homestay and a night at the nearby Eco-Camp. http://www.sabahtourism.com/sabah-malaysian-borneo/en/news/4721-eco-camp-community-participation-in-sustainable-tourism/ These are people who really experience life: time is spent sitting on the floor playing with children, bathing children, nursing children. Meals are prepared. A collective kitchen prepares food for overseas volunteers - from GVI http://www.gvi.co.uk/projects/asia/malaysia/volunteer-community-conservation-project-borneo/home - are fed by a communal kitchen. The entire village is related to one another and plays with one another. What more is there really?

Returning to the big Urban Jungle has been overwhelming. From the Jungles of Sabah to the jungles of the malls of HONG KONG. Creating a balance between the constant E-updates and being completely detached is a challenge. However, we need to re-think why we are addicted to our electronic communications. I wouldn’t give up the ability to stay in touch with friends all over the world. Yet, I need to remember the priorities of my own life. In a study by researchers at the University of Illinois, studies have shown people sleep better and feel more calm without the distraction of electronic gadgets.http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home/50118147-76/says-brain-kramer-trip.html.csp Now all we need to do is stop drinking coffee…

So, what do I have to teach these happy, enlightened beings? They do not have a fear of failure, change, love, or success. They do everything with their full being and are fully PRESENT at every moment. I am blessed by the presence of these mini-yogis. The children are teaching me to “go with the flow”. During one class the little four and five year olds only wanted to lay on their mats. So, we created a cocoon-pose where we roll into our mats and prepare for our birth as butterflies.

I am teaching them to focus; the meditation and ohms are where the children are most attentive. The “littles” love listening to my stories. And the “bigs” love when I act out the different animals and bounce around the room: as the story is told, the children move through the various Yoga poses: mountain/giraffe; downward dog/pig; cat; snake; lion and others. Gradually I am adding a Suzuki Music http://en.wordpress.com/tag/suzuki-music/feed/ element to the Yoga class – using our Suzuki music pieces for the yoga series and talking about the big mama, little baby and papa strings as characters in my Yoga stories. I am pleased to be introducing the children to a practice that has enhanced my life tremendously and these mini-yogis are learning to focus that exciting energy with meditation. And learning to stretch their minds and bodies.

This last week-end we were at South Bay. Now that we have got the beach umbrella rental figured, the beach bag contents sorted, and the packed lunch organized our trips to the beach are stress-free and maximally enjoyable. The combination of sea salt, ocean air and sunshine makes us all feel sun-kissed and happy. It seems that a weekend with a trip to beach makes everyone feel relaxed for the busy week ahead.

It is my prescription to everyone to get out and enjoy that nature in before the invasion of the thermal inversions of winter. It’s during the cooler months that we Hong Kongers have so much to worry about with air pollution as a result of thermal inversions http://daphne.palomar.edu/calenvironment/smog.htm trapping the smog between layers of warm and cool air. So get out there, but try not to block my sun!